FUZZY MEMORIES

Sometimes my memory shifts and wobbles a bit, as I attempt to reconstruct the fluctuations of my life. I recently had a chance to note some of this fractured reality when I revisited my imagined version of an old movie called International House. (Paramount, 1933)

The occasion was the question of whether a faked scene from the movie had been used to pump up interest in the film on the occasion of an earthquake in Long Beach, California, which occurred during production of the movie on March 10th, 1933.

The scene is available on YouTube. If you Google W.C. Fields and Long Beach earthquake, you'll find a link. Comments on the video are sparse, but mainly it's folks debating whether the footage is real or faked.

(For a better quality version of the newsreel, click the GettyImages link in favor of the YouTube version.)

I thought I knew the answer (about the film), because I had seen the movie years ago and remembered key points about it—but I was wrong.

About the key points, I mean.

In the fake scene, W. C. Fields is telling Stu Erwin: "You might have saved my life. What can I do for you?"

Erwin indicates his fiancee, says, "Take us to Shanghai."

Right about the time Fields says "for you," the image starts shaking, a chandelier begins to sway, and a lamp slowly falls over.

And I was thinking: This scene isn't in the actual film. It can't be. Because it's taking place inside the titular International House hotel, which is supposed to be located in Shanghai, China.

So why would Erwin want to go to Shanghai if they're already in Shanghai?

But I was wrong about that.

I just watched the film again, and it is made clear the hotel in question is not in Shanghai, but at least one long day's drive away through the desert. The hotel is said to be in Wu Hu, China.

Now, I remembered the drive there somewhat clearly. The car belongs to Thomas Nash, an old China hand and employee of American Electric. He's going to the International House because a Chinese scientist there (Dr. Wong) has just invented what he calls Radioscope.

(It's a kind of super-duper television that Wong describes like this: "I can materialize anything, anywhere, at any time. Radioscope needs no broadcast station. No carrier waves ...no electrical transmission." Sort of like the purported psychic ability called "remote viewing.")

Big money will be made, and Erwin has been dispatched to bid on the contraption.

He's not alone: A young blonde chick is riding along, also eager to get to Wu Hu. She tells Erwin: "Wong's invention will make millionaires and I intend doing the same."

Erwin: "You mean you're going to marry a millionaire?"

Blonde: "I never marry anything else."

In my memory of this scene (the car is broken down in the desert), the characters get into an argument and Erwin says something like: "Who do you think you are, Peggy Hopkins Joyce?"

A point that went right over my head, followed by her even more inexplicable reply: "Why yes, I am Peggy Hopkins Joyce."

I'm sorry, who?

To be accurate, though, Erwin actually says: "I wouldn't enjoy a minute of this trip even if you were Peggy Hopkins Joyce."

And she says: "I am Peggy Hopkins Joyce."

You may still be shaking your head. Google the name and you'll find out what everybody in the movie theater already knew. Joyce was a Broadway chlorine famous for latching onto millionaires. Which is why her character is headed to Wu Hu.

It's also why there's a movie called International House.

See, the whole goofy thing is a vehicle for Joyce. She even gets top billing, above W.C. Fields and everybody else (Stu Erwin, Edgar Pangborn, George Burns & Gracie Allen, Bela Lugosi, along with a host of others who appear via Radioscope, including Rudy Vallee, Stoopnagle and Budd ["Stoopnocracy is Peachy"], and Cab Calloway [singing "Reefer Man"]; Baby Rose Marie sings a torch song with a raspy jazz voice that always makes me want to clear my throat).

(All the Radioscope scenes come up randomly as Dr. Wong tries to tune in to a six-day bicycle race in New York City. The weird thing about Radioscope is that the folks you locate are also aware of you watching them. Rudy Vallee is annoyed by Fields's comments on his performance; later, a warship is sunk when Fields shoots it with his pistol.)

Another twisted moment lodged sideways in memory: W.C. Fields upsets some woman, causing her to ask: "How do you sleep at night?"

He says: "On my right side, with my mouth wide open."

Something of a fabrication—in the movie, there was no angry woman. Fields (Professor Henry R. Quail) drops onto the hotel roof garden in his autogyro (turns out he's looking for Kansas City, but a stupendous load of Monte Blanco beer has sent him astray). Dr. Wong thinks he's the American representative come to bid on his invention. He asks: "Where will you sleep tonight?" (He's concerned, because Fiends has no reservation.) And Fields says: "On my right side with my mouth open. Wide open."

I sort of get the quote right, but scramble the setup. It's unsettling. What else am I getting wrong about, you know, everything?

So, what about the scene faked for the newsreel?

Again, I was wrong. The scene is in the film. But not in the location depicted in the newsreel clip. Instead of the actual location (an elevator, where Fields drives his little car [The Spirit of South Brooklyn]), the fake scene takes place in the lobby of the hotel. After Fields lands his autogyro, a ramp unfolds from the belly of the aircraft and a tiny car rolls out (for side trips, Fields tells Dr. Wong).

Then the fabricated quake: The camera quivers, the chandelier swings, a lamp falls down. The lamp's shade drops to the floor, but Erwin grabs the lamp itself and lines it up on the edge of the table. Where it refuses to move an inch after he lets it go. In an actual quake, it would have rolled off onto the floor.

Erwin says: "What's the matter?"

Somebody answers: "Earthquake."

But notice this: Nobody in the scene has any trouble standing up. Nobody sways. Nobody stretches out their arms to maintain their balance. The Long Beach quake was short (about ten seconds) but very powerful; massive damage and substantial death.

The newsreel clip was clearly faked—though I've seen it in documentaries depicted as legit. Years later, Fields and director Edward Sutherland owned up to the hoax.

Folks comment on the YouTube version, pro and con. Some people are hung up: How can the clip be a fake if the quake was real?

When you have little to go on, you have to make the most of it. Did some people see the car move? (Nobody seems confused by having a car inside the lobby of the hotel.)

Having the camera move is trivial. So is getting a chandelier to sway. So is shoving a lamp over.

Oddly, the actual location of the scene could have made for a more exciting fake.

Stu Erwin and his fiancee are in an elevator. They call out to Fields, who's being chased around the hotel in his little car by Bela Lugosi and his band of thugs. (Fields has Lugosi's ex-wife with him [Joyce]; Lugosi is homicidally jealous.) After the car takes refuge in the elevator, Erwin runs behind it to hit the button to close the door. Not much room left in there.

A simple, compact scene: Erwin, the car (with Fields and Joyce inside) and Erwin's on-again/off-again fiancee. No chandelier, no lamp to rig. But it could have made for a great pretend earthquake: hidden prop guy shakes the car, while the actors bounce back and forth between the car and the walls of the elevator.

No perplexed confusion ("What's going on?"), just concentrated terror!

For the record, the rest of the scene:

Safe in the elevator, Fields pops his head up through the fabric roof of the car, says: "Young man, you just saved my life. Now what can I do for you?"

Erwin: "Take us to Shanghai."

Fields: "I'll drop you off on my way to Kansas City."

I think there's a good chance no one will ever see those people again.