THE BOOT FACTORY

One chunk of Trumpian chaos has been hiding lately—the Gaza thing—while the president concentrates on destroying world trade and annexing Canada as our 51st state. But I think the proposed renovation of Gaza needs to be looked at a bit, before it explodes back into view as the earth-shattering episode it can be when it's feeling its oats.

Trump says we (the US) will "take" Gaza. We're not going to buy it from anybody.

(From Israel, for instance; Trump jawing about all this with Netanyahu in the room, a small smile on the Israeli leader's face. Sure, let Trump take the hit for doing what Israel would love to do but doesn't dare to.)

No, we're just going to take Gaza and "have" it.

(Why does that sound so sketchy? Just something about it...)

So, will this perfectly reasonable event require boots on the ground?

Absolutely not, Trump says.

We'll just take the place and empty it out.

I mean, you have to clear this parcel down to the dirt, right? Gaza is unsafe as it stands, what with all those un-exploded bombs embedded in the rubble. (Though it's astonishing to consider that even one of those Israeli bombs failed to go off.)

Once the joint is safe, we'll go to work creating some sort of Riviera on the Mediterranean: hotels, casinos, convention centers, and so forth.

(Actually, I'm under the impression there already is a Riviera in place on the north shore of that body of water, so I guess you'd have to call the new guy Riviera South.)

But won't it take boots on the ground to clear the place of un-exploded bombs? I mean, that sounds like a job for military professionals.

Apparently not.

Okay, what about emptying the zone of the people who live there?

No need for boots there, either, it seems.

I think the idea is they'll just wander off on their own. Wander where? I'm guessing they'll have to wander in the direction of Egypt. Israel doesn't seem like it's going to provide those folks with a welcoming direction for wandering.

Personally, I detect some problems with all this.

Hamas is still in Gaza, still armed to the teeth. In what numbers? Hard to say, really. I guess it depends on if the military-aged civilians of Gaza have experienced any inconvenience in the last few years, any agitation of mind that might motivate them to join Hamas and fight an order to evacuate their homeland.

To sum up, Hamas is there, with guns, and a lot of others might be inclined to play along. All they need is guns of their own. And I would be surprised if Iran has no guns to give them or lacks the willingness to do so.

That will tend to complicate matters.

But here's a handy solution: We invade Iran.

[Insert successful war here.]

Now that we've conquered Iran, we'll have no more problem with those guys arming a revitalized Hamas and all the others in Gaza not willing to go quietly to Egypt or start swimming in the direction of Riviera North.

But wait, there's a big bonus: We could carve off a substantial hunk of Iran and rename it "Palestine."

Then all you need is a landing strip and you could start airlifting the residents of Gaza to their new home-sweet-home. Assuming they're unwilling to walk.

Since the population of Gaza is only about one-fifth the number of undocumented folks in the US currently targeted by Trump, it should be a snap to relocate them all in a jiffy.

But only if we use our military to do it. Seriously, the people of Gaza will need to be disarmed and subdued before any progress can be made.

Not that the incentive of getting a nice fat chunk of the country formerly known as Iran won't help grease the way. But some folks are bound to be contrarians, even when everything is set up in their own best interest.

Some humans are just built that way.

So, boots on the ground, Donald. It's inevitable.

Next question: Will it be worth it?

Are you kidding me? Gaza is more than a hundred forty square miles of soon-to-be empty land. Just imagine how many slot machines you could put there!

It boggles the mind.

What's more, it clearly attracts the attention of a man whose mind is already considerably boggled.

What could go wrong?