FOR THE CHILDREN

The bodies are piling up, and congressional critters are under pressure to do something about it. Again.

Here's why they won't do anything significant: They all have their careers to think about.

In a proper democracy, that would be impossible. In a working democracy, folks elected to sit in those special rooms in Washington have only one thing to worry about: correctly understanding the position of the majority of the people in their districts back home.

If you do exactly what they want you to, you're going to be fine!

But congressional folk are not, it turns out, there to do what the folks back home want. They're in that room to do what their party leaders want them to do.

Or, in some cases, they're there to do what some random ex-president wants them to do. Or face the consequences. (You get your butt primaried.)

The only reasonable (though unworkable) solution is term limits: One term and hit the bricks.

See, no reelections, ever. No reelection slush-fund money, no reelection pressure from lobbyists, no reelection garbage from previous presidents.

No reelections!

Perfect, but unworkable. Because who the hell would vote for something like that? Doesn't help to grandfather everybody in, the party leaders would never let you vote for it. Not even if it didn't take effect for 100 years.

So, we're screwed. Even if the entire country wanted something, folks in congress would be mostly unable to go along with it. Because of that thing that shouldn't even exist: a career path in congress.

And as long as we're screwed, let's go after something even more unlikely: Eliminate elections altogether. Just appoint folks to congress for short periods of time. Like jury duty.

These people need to have no opinion on any subject. Not their job, right? Just do what the folks back home want.

That's democracy, baby!

But here's the bottom-line problem with all that: Democracy relies on human beings, and human beings are the most unreliable creatures on this or any other planet.

So, yeah. We're doomed.

But let's forget all that. Let's fantasize about actual gun control.

Here's what you do: Comb through the states and eliminate every local Republican elected via the twin frauds of redistricting and voter suppression.

Then repeal the Second Amendment.

(You'll need two-thirds of state legislatures to go along with it, which is why you have to weed out NRA-addled Republican reps.)

Will that cause a squawk? I can already hear the gunfire.

But it's probably the only way to do it.

Remember, the Second Amendment was designed to spare the new country the expense of maintaining a standing army. Have the farmers of the nation hang onto their squirrel guns, see? Then in case of emergency, grab 'em up, march 'em around a little, and send 'em into battle to save the republic.

But we have a standing army now, plus the National Guard in the states. The Second Amendment is simply obsolete.

Figure a third of gun owners would comply with a weapons roundup. One third would go the Ruby Ridge route. And a third would take off for parts unknown, humping a crap-load of guns and ammo.

I guess they could start their own country somewhere...