SATAN'S GREATEST LIE

Toward the end of the movie The Usual Suspects, a character suggests that Satan's greatest lie is that he doesn't exist. It's a lie that allows the Father of Lies to operate, as it were, in the background and undercover. A lie that permits a monster like Keyser Soze to perform his convoluted acts of violence.

And sure, it's a plausible, workable lie. But I think a better lie for Satan to tell would be this: God exists.

Ponder all the evil perpetrated by humans in the name of God, all the bloodshed and torture. All of it permitted by God, if not actively promoted by the Guy—the vast charnel house of human endeavor, all cheerfully delivered by the Father of Lies.

But wait, we're just getting started.

Now imagine the unfounded hope of forgiveness for all those terrible acts. The pointless pining for respite in Heaven.

More delicious lies from the Father.

Appreciate the exquisite torture, both physical and psychological. First, the unspeakable stuff you do for that imaginary Guy, then it's down on your knees to grovel for a redemption that can never come.

Now, that's a lie worth telling!

In this version of reality, it's Satan who created the world, just so he can torture his hapless subjects. To me, that makes more sense than a universe slapped together by God so he can enjoy the church-driven praise squeezed from a pathetic gang of semi-sentient critters.

If Satan exists, and is pure evil, the unhappy predicament of human life is suddenly understandable. Life sucks because that bastard is messing with us.

If, on the other hand, God exists—and is proud to be purely benevolent—something has gone desperately wrong somewhere.

In fact, religions spend a lot of their creative energy trying to explain this discrepancy. Heads up: They usually conclude it's our fault. (Misbehavior in the Garden of Eden, and so forth.)

Alas, it's all a delusion.

We humans tell all the lies, and in the process labor ceaselessly to construct this lovely slaughterhouse. We tell each other what to do, then scream at one another for doing it. To atone for bad acts, we perform countless more bad acts. Then we invent gods and devils to justify our vicious behavior. World without end, amen.

Sorry, folks, but it's the only game in town. Keyser Soze would love it.