FALSE TEACHINGS

I recently came across a book called FAST FACTS ON FALSE TEACHINGS, by Ron Carlson and Ed Decker, originally published in 1994.

The first chapter is called "Atheism." Let's see what they have to say:

"It is philosophically impossible to be an atheist, since to be an atheist you must have infinite knowledge in order to know absolutely that there is no God."

They go on to point out that having infinite knowledge would mean you were God.

The first statement seems correct, but the second is faulty. Having infinite knowledge doesn't make you a god, just like creating the universe doesn't make you a god—at least, not the god the god-folks want for a god. They long for a god that's paying attention to them, protecting them, preparing a place in heaven for them.

A superior entity might possess infinite knowledge and yet have no interest in doing the other stuff. In fact, knowing all about human beings might make an all-knowing creature want to toss the whole kit and caboodle into hell.

Also, a god who can create universes is not necessarily the sort who would stick around for the boring part of dealing with humans and their annoying crap. Better to go off somewhere and create a new kind of universe. Plus, there's the distinct possibility the habit of messing around with universe-creating forces might go off the rails. A guy could get blown up in the process of kick-starting a universe. Big Bang? Big Kabloowie! And goodbye God.

Even so, Carlson and Decker have started off well condemning atheism as flawed. In reality, you can't really know for sure there is no god. Hell, there could be legions of the bastards zooming around helterskelter and keeping out of sight—a bunch of guys with a strict hands-off policy when it comes to human beings.

(Gods on other planets might do all kinds of cool things for their non-human inhabitants.)

Unfortunately, the authors get into trouble when they list the proofs God left for us so we'd have no excuse for not believing in him.

First: The existence of the universe, which God famously created at the beginning of the Bible. If you can see the world (or sense it in any way), you're looking at proof God exists. Since he made everything, if you detect anything outside your own head, that's proof of deity. (And don't forget, he created your head, too, so solipsists planning to deny the existence of the world still have to give it up for God.)

Second, the desire to know God. That you seek God is proof God exists, since that desire was placed in your heart by God himself. (Which is why it's especially galling to him when folks settle on a gold-plated idol for a god.)

Third, God literally split history into two parts when he came to earth as a human being, setting off the whole Anno Domini deal. A major event known to all!

Fourth, God wrote the Big Book of God and gave it to us so we might soak up the lovely details.

Thing is, three of the four proofs absolutely rely on the Bible being 100% true.

If God didn't create the world, having a world in front of you doesn't carry the force of proof.

And if Jesus of Nazareth wasn't an incarnation of God, then maybe nothing at all happened and folks split history into two parts for no good reason.

Problem is, Jesus seems only to exist inside the covers of the Bible. When he died, it's said the sky turned black, there was an earthquake, and dead folks popped out of the ground and wandered into town, to be seen by many. I get the feeling an event that dramatic would have made the papers, yet it appears nowhere in history texts, just in the Bible.

Finally, if the Bible wasn't actually written by God (or by humans inspired by the living God), then it is no kind of proof of God.

As for the desire to know God, I think this is bogus.

Some says there is a god-shaped hole in the human psyche, causing us to seek endlessly for some sort of supreme being. This desire may be real for some, but I believe it is learned, not innate. Folks tend to grow up within the religion of their parents. If the kids become restless, they may indeed check out one religion after another. Or go raw dog in disgust.

Historically, we end up creating gods (and formal religions to deal with them) because we need answers to some basic questions. Simple information, like how the tilt of the earth's axis causes seasons, actually goes a long way to eliminating the need to come up with supernatural explanations. The bitterest winter will end eventually, whether or not you pray to God about it.

I see the question of God's true nature to be imaginary. It has no proper answer because it is not a real question.

Q: "Why is the sky full of green polka dots?"

A: "It's not."

You really don't have to go into detail here, despite the fact our inclination is to invent whole schools of thought on the subject, folks analyzing the precise shade of green, cataloging the number and variety of size of individual dots, and formulating methods of demonstrating which one is the King Dot—and which his evil twin.

It's a thing we like to do, but that doesn't mean it's likely to be useful.

(Folks also study lists of winning lottery numbers looking for a pattern that will make them winners. That can only work if the lottery is flawed or crooked.)

In another chapter of their book, Carlson and Decker detail the nature of God, in all cases referring to the Bible to back up their claims. I get the feeling if you asked those guys how they knew God was real—and stopped them from whipping out the Bible—they'd be speechless.

This is called circular logic. They know God wrote the Bible, etc., because the Bible told them so. That's not proof, just an assertion. Books explaining Christianity are jam-packed with Bible quotes, which is why they're all likely to be specious.

When you come down to it, folks believe in God because they believe in God. QED.

There is no further explanation possible. Those who remain unconvinced are condemned to wander the earth unsatisfied till the end of their days, seeking an answer that doesn't exist.

Sucks to be us, right?

But here's some good news: If you keep alert on your quest for God you might stumble upon excellent reasons to kill a bunch of folks. Great fun!

Being human is like playing a vast, X-rated video game. You won't learn anything important, but you could have lots of fun. Unfortunately, this game is massively multi-player, so you may not last long. The nerds have mastered the controller and are scarily fast on the FIRE button.