IRONY IS HARD

Over the weekend, a member of Donald Trump's legal team made it clear the President was not under investigation by the FBI or anybody else. He knows this because he's in the loop and nobody has informed him of any investigation—a logical position he presumes airtight.

(And good luck with that.)

His statement directly contradicts a recent Tweet from Trump, where the President points out this ironic situation: He's being investigated for firing the FBI Director by the same man (Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein) who told him to fire the guy.

The problem is that unless Trump is in a different loop than his legal counsel, the man is not being investigated for firing Comey—at least, not at this time.

But times change, and maybe Trump has just returned from a brief excursion to the very near future, where the investigation is all the rage.

But that wouldn't explain the mistake in the second half of his would-be ironic Tweet: Rod Rosenstein didn't tell Trump to fire Comey.

(Can anybody really tell Trump to do anything?)

In fact, Trump apparently asked the Deputy AG to write a letter giving a plausible reason for firing Comey. (His bungling of the Hillary email affair, for instance.) And for a short time Trump did indeed refer to that letter, implying it informed his decision.

But it wasn't long before Trump got in front of cameras and made it clear he was going to fire Comey come hell or high water and he didn't need no stinkin' excuses from the stinkin' Department of Justice to do it!

The real reason—that damned Russia thing, of course!

Trump wanted relief from the pressure of that endless investigation. And he got some relief, or at least that's what he reportedly told some Russian officials he met in the Oval Office.

(At that time he also mentioned Comey was a "nut-job." )

In his TV interview Trump pointed out Comey was a "showboat" and that the FBI was in disarray because of the man's ineffective leadership. But even that was a smokescreen.

It was the Russia thing, pure and simple! The made-up chunk of nonsense, the hoax, the #FakeNews that continues to haunt his Presidency.

(But don't worry, folks. The Russia thing will never stop Trump from making America great again, no matter how hard the Democrats try to derail him. He promises!)

Trump had to fudge the facts to get his epic story of presidential irony to work, and that is fatal for good irony.

(Trump's lawyer claims Trump got the false notion he was under investigation from a newspaper article that relied on a bunch of unnamed sources—exactly the sort of #FakeNews Trump is primed to reject on the spot. But this time he took it seriously. Is he losing his grip?)

Fictional irony had better be damn entertaining to make up for the fact it's not real. Any failure to do that is laid at the door of the author, who should know better.

But even had it been based on reality, Trump's Tweet would not have risen above the level of whiny paranoia—a kind of "woe is me" lament.

("I tell ya, I can't get no respect!")

Being investigated is not a disaster. Trump needs to raise the stakes.

Something like this:

Shakespearian: "I planted a bomb in the trunk of a car, then made my getaway in the same damn car!"

Hitlerian: "I'm on trial for murdering the Jews, and my lawyer's an idiot!"

(Okay, that's a bit anti-Semitic. No reason why a Jew couldn't be a lousy lawyer.)

Or this:

"I got elected to make America great again, but the bastards hounded me out of office—then claimed resigning was the only thing I could have done to make American great again! Sick!"

I know, I know: Too on-the-nose.