UNSTOPPABLE

Tomorrow is Super Tuesday, when a lot of states have primaries or caucuses. Folks are saying Donald Trump may be unstoppable when the day is done.

Does that mean he'll meet Hillary Clinton in November? Not necessarily.

Trump has done pretty well for himself, but it may be that's only because the alternative to Trump is an entire list of guys. As a result, the anybody-but-Trump votes are getting scattered.

If there was only one other candidate in the race, it may be Trump would lose every primary two to one.

And that's what might happen at the Republican Convention.

Trump will have a lot of delegates committed for the first ballot, but probably not enough to put him over the top. At that point the proverbial smoke-filled room gets a workout and maybe somebody emerges who can actually get nominated.

For that to happen, it just means the vast majority of folks who are ever going to support Trump are already doing so. And everybody else is waiting for a consensus alternative.

Soon as one pops up, the majority will jump on the guy and that'll be the end for Trump.

Or maybe he wants to be Vice President. Can Trump play the Dick Cheney role, a shadowy figure pushing the President to invade countries and torture its citizens?

That might work, though it's hard to get a read on a Trump in the shadows. That guy loves the lime-light.

He says (currently) he was against invading Iraq, but that doesn't mean he won't have a list of other countries he'd like to pummel. Iran seems like the sort of place that might crop up on such a list. For one thing, Trump would absolutely love to renegotiate that nuclear deal. And if Iran refuses to cooperate on a do-over, maybe the bombs would fall.

Also, does Trump sound like a guy who'd have a lot of patience with North Korea and the shenanigans of Kim Jong-un? How many American nukes would it take to wipe out that country's entire stock of atom bombs and long-throw missiles? And, as an afterthought, it'd only take one more to end the Kim line for good.

As for torture, we've recently heard from The Donald how he stands on that subject: Torture is good. Torture works.

You want a guy to tell you what he knows? Get out your rusty knives and dig in, baby!

But what about guys who know stuff but don't know they know? Did some so-called law-abiding citizen see something significant and maybe get distracted and forget to say something?

That stuff happens, you know.

You see a guy key a lock and open a door. Does that guy really belong on the other side of that door? Does that guy maybe link up to some other guy going through a whole other door? And if the proper authorities knew about both guys and both doors, what heinous plot might be thwarted?

You never know, right?

Could be there's a wealth of murky information out there, bobbing about in the boob- and beer-addled brains of ordinary Joes. Shouldn't we maybe take a peek, see what we can turn up?

You bet we should!

We need to grab folks off the street at random and go to town on 'em, see what they're hiding in that swampy noggin of half-thought notions.

Hey, we could save the world!

The only problem, nobody knows for sure whether those guys have any valuable information or not. Even they don't know, right?

So you have to double down on 'em. You have to pull out all the stops—and all the fingernails, etc.—to make sure the guy is giving you everything he might possibly have mislaid in that rancid melon of his.

Hate to say it, but you may have to shred the son-of-a-bitch until the good stuff comes out. In fact, to be sure you've gotten it all, you pretty much have to terminate the clueless jerk. You need to rip out every bit of his wiring to be sure he not holding back. You gotta punch his ticket all the way to the end of the line.

Seriously, what's the life of one citizen against the lives of all the others?

According to mayhem aficionado Donald Rumsfeld, torture ain't torture unless death is on the table. And it's almost impossible to know when to stop.

So be unstoppable. Who cares if you have to waste half the population to safeguard the other half?

The bonus: It might clear up some of those lines at the DMV.