CATS AND DOGS

If you're a dog lover, prepare for a swat on the snout with a rolled-up newspaper: It is my experience that cat lovers are more tolerant of dog lovers than the reverse.

According to dog lovers, owning cats is a vaguely perverse activity. Crazy old women are typically surrounded by cats, not dogs.

(It may be that dogs are too needy to survive in those conditions.)

Dogs, on the other hand, are considered manly. When an up-and-coming drug lord wants to advertise his authority, he buys a ferocious Rottweiler and equips him with a spiked collar. The only cat appropriate to the big man's circumstances is a full-grown tiger or the equivalent.

I notice that cats are treated with a certain level of meanness in our society. On TV sitcoms, when an object is thrown out the window it is not unusual to hear an unseen cat complain with an abused yowl. It's considered funny when a cat is clobbered by an old boot or rusty pair of scissors. By our laughter we seem to be saying they deserve it.

(We also laugh at comic drunks--forget whatever hell he or she creates at home for the family. We demand absolution for our crass statements and actions by reminding the audience it's all a joke. The rule is you can say anything as long as you follow it with: "Hey, I'm just kidding!")

It's true, dogs can be more easily trained to perform tasks. Some even rush off on command to grab a beer out of the refrigerator.

Dogs also pay more attention to us. If you point at something, a cat won't look to see what it is. Instead, he'll come up and sniff your finger.

It's also said dogs are more affectionate. I think it depends on the dog in question. Some cats are very companionable and affectionate.

But I've strayed from my point. Cats and dogs have various features, and those who love them have their own. I just think dog lovers are, without good reason, overly harsh in their attitude toward cat lovers.

Our society seems to back them up. As usual, without apparent reason. But hey, it's what we do here. I guess it's a good thing cats don't give a crap what you think of them.