By "church" I mean mostly Christian churches, a place employed for worshiping God and Jesus and the Bible. I could also include Jewish synagogues here, though the worship of Jesus would be optional. (For most Jews, Jesus shows up in the "close but no cigar" category.)
And let's assume the parking lot of this house of worship is not used exclusively for tailgate parties and jumble sales. And never on the Sabbath for those purposes.
Generally, churches stand empty during the week, then fill up on Sunday. Folks are encouraged to go to church on that day, and many do.
And apparently many of those who heed the call to worship come to church in an automobile (or pickup truck). Their need for a place to park would appear to answer my title question.
But hold up a bit, partner. Church-going critters are supposed to pay some mind to the Bible they've come to worship. And that particular book has printed in it (in several places, even) a set of rules to live by. Those rules are called the Ten Commandments, and were given by God to Moses so he could instruct the children of Israel.
Let's just take a peak at the fourth item on the list:
Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work; but the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God; in it thou shalt not do any work; thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; for in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
That's from the King James version of the Bible.
And by "thou shalt not do any work" the book means do literally nothing. Elsewhere in the Bible it says you can't even kindle a fire in your own "habitations" without breaking that commandment.
And the penalty is death by stoning.
In olden days, orthodox Jews would employ Christian servants to tend to fires and do the cooking and so forth on the Sabbath. The Christians were presumed to be exempt from the wrath of God because the Jewish sabbath was on Saturday, not Sunday. (And if they weren't exempt, who cares?)
I don't know if rich Christians employed Jewish servants to work on Sunday, though that would make sense. I suppose families could trade off services, but that system would quickly break down the next time the Jews were rounded up and kicked out of town.
On the other hand, the rule of "do no work" was supposed to apply to servants and even strangers who might be lurking in the attic, so getting someone else to do stuff for you should also be prohibited.
It's a dilemma, all right. But there may be a loophole.
It has to do with who is being ordered around by God in the Commandments. There's a hint in the Tenth Commandment:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
It says "wife," not "spouse." The commandment is apparently directed at the man of the house, who is ordered to keep his mitts off the other guy's wife (among other things).
Now, the Fourth Commandment specifically applies to a lot of different folks (and one variety of creatures), including daughters and maidservants, but nowhere does it say anything about the man's wife. That apparently leaves her free to do all the work. In fact, there's even a saying: Woman's work is never done. (Unless you're a female employee, then you have rights.)
Anyway, the dilemma is solved. Put Mom to work cooking and cleaning and chopping wood for the fire and feeding the chickens and milking the cows. (It's true, the cattle are required by God to rest, but I'm pretty sure that means they're not allowed to drag a plow across a field. Letting the milk drain out of a swollen udder can't be considered work.)
There's another question. Who gets punished for breaking the commandment? A man is not supposed to work, nor let his servants and cattle work. But is he responsible for preventing those guys from working? Is he to be stoned to death if one of his servants strikes a match? Is he required to hogtie the hapless "stranger" within his gates to make sure the guy doesn't pull any work-related shenanigans?
Or is everybody (except Mom) on the hook? Punish the man for ordering a servant to work, and stone the servant to death for following that order?
And by the way, is stoning someone to death considered "work"? If so, that could be tricky. You witness an infraction on the Sabbath and mete out a dollop of instant justice, only to take it in the neck for your trouble. The stoning of the stoners: There's a kind of irony in that.
(If the second batch of stoners doesn't delay the punishment a day or so, those guys would be on the hook themselves. If all the local zealots found themselves in a religious heat to get busy right away, it could precipitate a free-for-all stoning event that might decimate the population.)
Another, somewhat random thought: On The Simpsons, Homer often expresses his reluctance to attend church on Sunday. He'd rather lounge around the house in his robe and bear-foot slippers. If only he could convince Marge he considered it "work" to go to church, he'd have a pious excuse to stay home.
(Besides, there's nothing in the Fourth Commandment that says you have to go to church on the Sabbath or any other day.)
But let's get back to the original question about church parking lots. Since operating machinery of any sort would surely be prohibited, folks arriving for church in a car should expect a deadly shower of rocks when they climb out of their vehicle (if stoning is permitted on Sunday).
I suppose you could get Mom to drive, but I would bet simply riding in the car would put everyone in trouble when you're dealing with a stickler like God.
(And if God is not a stickler, some of the folks who enforce his rules certainly are.)
So what's up with the parking lot? Is it some sort of trap to lure the religiously uninitiated?
Here's my advice. If you must drive to Sunday services, be wary of guys circling the parking lot with suspicious bulges in their coat pockets.
Finally, this: If you're a Jew, getting stoned to death over a religious infraction is the worst that could happen to you. Jews don't have eternal damnation waiting to cap things off.
But enthusiastic Christians would like to stone your sinful carcass to death, then enjoy the thought they'd sent you directly to Hell to continue your punishment. Sure sounds like piling on, to me.
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